I think your concerns are absolutely valid: any kind of guide or primer runs the risk of being too prescriptive, of telling writers what they can and cannot write, of setting off certain activities or behaviors as "wrong." Certainly, there are people in fandom who think this way about sex and wish to inflict their views upon others. I've also had experiences like yours, where commenters have thought my sex scenes were unrealistic or impossible or deviant or whatever. And they've invariably been in response to descriptions of stuff I've actually done or watched in porn. (Not that porn is always/ever an accurate depiction of sex, but it is often an apt demonstration of what is possible.) I agree with you that nobody has any business telling anyone else how consenting adults should have sex.
But I think you're conflating that larger truth with the proposed task at hand, which is to create a document that might help ease the fears of writers who want to write explicit f/f sex scenes but aren't sure where to start. It sounds like you assume that any such guide would end up telling writers that certain sexual acts are impossible or off-limits. I think it's possible that we could end up with such a guide if we're not careful, but I don't see much in the comments above to suggest that anyone wants a prescriptive, policing guide. Rather, I see a lot of people asking questions and raising points that would help avoid producing that kind of a document. The G-spot conversation is troubling me too - found one just the other night! - but that seems to be the exception to a discussion that seems mostly open and curious.
I keep suggesting a collaborative guide with numerous contributors because I think it would reduce what you call "boundary policing" and what I call prescriptivism. I can see how a well-meaning writer could end up producing a guide to how f/f sex "should" be written, but I don't think anyone wants such a guide. I think that if such a project got off the ground, we'd have to take steps to avoid prescription and judgment, especially since you (and presumably others) would worry about that.
I don't think it's possible to create a perfect guide, but I don't think a good idea should be abandoned simply because something might go wrong. Maybe that makes me too much of an optimist for you, but I'm a big fan of optimism.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-05-03 06:24 am (UTC)But I think you're conflating that larger truth with the proposed task at hand, which is to create a document that might help ease the fears of writers who want to write explicit f/f sex scenes but aren't sure where to start. It sounds like you assume that any such guide would end up telling writers that certain sexual acts are impossible or off-limits. I think it's possible that we could end up with such a guide if we're not careful, but I don't see much in the comments above to suggest that anyone wants a prescriptive, policing guide. Rather, I see a lot of people asking questions and raising points that would help avoid producing that kind of a document. The G-spot conversation is troubling me too - found one just the other night! - but that seems to be the exception to a discussion that seems mostly open and curious.
I keep suggesting a collaborative guide with numerous contributors because I think it would reduce what you call "boundary policing" and what I call prescriptivism. I can see how a well-meaning writer could end up producing a guide to how f/f sex "should" be written, but I don't think anyone wants such a guide. I think that if such a project got off the ground, we'd have to take steps to avoid prescription and judgment, especially since you (and presumably others) would worry about that.
I don't think it's possible to create a perfect guide, but I don't think a good idea should be abandoned simply because something might go wrong. Maybe that makes me too much of an optimist for you, but I'm a big fan of optimism.